Are You Loving Your Husband Well?

Last week, my husband and I celebrated our 20^th wedding anniversary! My Facebook post read: “20 years ago today, we said “I do”. It’s been an amazing, sometimes frustrating, wonderfully-messy journey; and I look forward to the next 20!” I can’t believe it’s been twenty years! I am so grateful to God for my marriage. I love my husband more than I thought was possible. The desire to love him well grows with each year that we celebrate. By no means am I perfect at it, but it’s something I strive to do every day. How about you? Are you loving your husband well?

Do You Love Your Husband Well?

You might be thinking that your husband doesn’t deserve much right now. But let’s make it clear, I’m not talking about physically or verbally abusive marriages. If you find yourself in that type of situation, please get help. I’m talking to those that are dealing with the everyday stresses and trials of life, the busy, time-starved marriages, the “I love my husband, but I don’t really like him right now,” marriage. It’s so easy to get distracted, and if we’re not making it a habit to take time to work on our marriage, time will eventually show the effects of a neglected relationship.

We all want to love our husbands well, right? After all, isn’t that the promise you made to him on your wedding day? To love him through better or worse, sickness and in health, in plenty and in need? We all stood before God and family and friends and made those promises. Are we always going to do it perfectly? No. We do however, need to try our best to make it a priority.

Before we get into practical ways to loving your husband, let me fill you in on why I care to open this up to you. This to me, is a game changer in our marriages. We don’t just walk into a marriage and everything is rainbows and sunshine. We come as two completely different people, who are both equally flawed, with different ways of doing life, trying to figure out how to make it all work.

Show Him Some Grace

I came in to marriage thinking that as long as we loved each other, then we would be good. But we all come into marriage as selfish people. After all, how many people say they want to get married because the other person makes them happy? How often do you hear people say that I married him because I wanted to spend my life making him happy? So, we get married, waiting for our spouse to make us happy, and they inevitably fail because we place these crazy expectations, and unattainable standards on them.

Sometimes, I feel sorry for husbands. Not only are they expected to help support us, but we expect them to figure us out. I mean, it’s kind of funny when you think about it. We want a man… to figure out a woman. I don’t know about you, but most of the time, I don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I am. Most days, I’m just trying to figure out if I’m really going crazy, if it’s hormones, or if I just need a nap! My point? Give your husband a break. Tell him what you need. Show him some grace and he’s likely to return it.

Respecting Your Husband

If you were to ask women and men what it is they want from their spouse, more than anything you’d hear that women want to be loved, and men want to be respected. I whole-heartedly believe this. Don’t believe me? Ask your husband. He wants respect privately and publicly. He wants to know you respect him as a leader of the home. Maybe his decisions aren’t always the right ones, that’s ok, neither are ours…but if you show him respect, he’s more likely to go to you before he makes any big decisions.

I have to admit, I can be very sarcastic and to some, it may come across as rude, even if thats not the intent. So I have to be careful with how I say things. Take notice of the way you talk to your husband. I’ve heard some wives talking to their husbands like they were dogs, then complain that their husbands don’t pay any attention to them.

I can’t stress enough, the importance of respecting your spouse. Not only does it affect him, but if you have kids, it’s affecting them as well. They’re watching the way you treat him. If they hear you disrespecting him, they’re likely to think that they don’t have to respect him either, and that’s sure to open up a whole other can of worms.

Give Them Some Praise

This one is a no brainer. We all like to be praised. Whether it’s for a job well-done, or even a complete fail, the effort is worth being noted. A little appreciation goes a long way. There are a lot of qualities you adore in your spouse. Let them know it. It doesn’t hurt to be creative about it either.

When we were first married, we had the huge brick phones, so we couldn’t text each other. I would wake up to find letters left on the table for me. I still have them all too. My husband isn’t the type who wants a hand-written letter, but it does mean something when I send a text throughout the day telling him how great I think he is or how proud I am to be his wife. Men need affirmation same as we do. Let them know you appreciate them and all they do.

Only Have Eyes for Your Husband

Now I have a feeling I’m going to get some flak for this one. But it’s an issue that weighs heavy on my heart, so hear me out. I know this topic is usually directed towards men, but for now, I’m speaking to us wives. There is no judgement, only what my heart wishes to say on the matter.

It is obvious that in our society, sex sells. It’s difficult nowadays to find a movie, even a television show that doesn’t have half-naked people in it, or people engaged in sex; usually with someone other than their spouse. It used to be that “racy” shows didn’t come on till after 8 o’clock at night, and PG-rated movies didn’t have R-rated scenes. But times have changed and all too often I see wives flocking to movies where it is quite obvious the movie isn’t about anything but instead just to give you some eye candy to sit and drool over.

“I’m Only Looking”

I’m not saying that you go around during the day with your head down, never looking at anyone. Nor am I saying that you have to shut your eyes when an attractive man comes on the screen, don’t be silly. What I am saying, is be careful how you allow yourself to be entertained. Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re only “looking”. “Your enemy, the devil roams around looking for someone to devour.” -1Peter 5:8.

I want my husband to feel confident that my eyes are for him only. I want him to know that I don’t want anyone else. I hear a lot of women complain about their marriage lacking intimacy. One place to kick-start intimacy in your marriage is to build up your husband, making him feel he is the only one for you and the only one you want. There can be no true intimacy if a spouse is finding satisfaction in someone else.

Compromise

There’s a lot of compromising in marriage. From simply choosing a restaurant to eat at, to the more important issue of where to spend the holidays. As wives, we have the opportunity of making things more pleasant. We want our homes to be a peaceful, safe-haven for our families. Granted, it’s not always going to be. But we have the capability to help build it or destroy it.

Sorry, but if there are any single people reading this post, don’t fall for the social media memes that marriage goals are all about binge-watching Netflix all day. Trust me, even watching movies is about compromise. Okay, maybe not a huge compromise, but my point is that marriage is about making even the little things work together.

But I do have to add that as someone who really doesn’t care much for superhero movies, whose married to a superhero movie lover, something so simple, takes compromise. And as many as there are of these superhero movies, it looks like it’s going to be a lifetime of compromise…

Praying for Your Husband

I saved this point for last, because I think it’s the most important one for many reasons, but I’ll only share a few. First off, your husband needs your prayers. He has a lot of responsibility which God will hold him accountable for. He is the spiritual leader of your home, that’s a big project in and of itself and then add on the responsibility of having to go out and make a living.

Many temptations threaten to destroy your husband’s spiritual walk. Anymore, our culture makes men out to be nothing more than pigs who can’t control themselves. And the devil would love nothing more than to make them stumble. But our husbands, through the power of Jesus Christ, can be mighty men of God. Raising up generations to follow and serve Christ. Giving a powerful example to our boys of the importance and blessings that come from living a life devoted to Christ.

And lastly, when you’re praying for your husband, you’re not only affecting him, it’s having an impact on yourself as well. When we are in prayer daily, taking time to connect with God and His word, it changes us. When we allow God’s word to transform us making us more like Christ, we become less selfish and more loving. Less of a complainer and more of an encourager. Our lives become less about me, and more about us. The more time we spend in God’s word and in prayer, the more our words and our actions start to reflect Christ. And when we start to reflect Christ, then we can love our husbands well.