My daughter, who is the first-born, always says that she was the experimental child. Because she was our ‘first’ and we basically had no clue what we were doing, everything with her was an experiment. To some degree I guess that’s true. We didn’t know what we were doing, we still don’t. But eighteen years ago, we were totally clueless on how to raise a child, let alone a strong-willed child.
It’s crazy, really, to think that when our children are born, they’re just handed over to us, no prior experience needed. Thankfully, before the baby was born I read THE book. You know the one, the “What to Expect the First Year” book. That book has everything you need to know about how to care for a baby, basically a baby manual. Any question you can come up with is in there. How often to feed the baby, what to do if the baby won’t stop crying, how to burp the baby, and on and on. They should give that book to all expectant parents in the hospital.
My daughter Kayla, was born on the fourth of July. She weighed 9 pounds, 13 ounces. I remember as I delivered her, they held her up for me to see her and I was so shocked at how big she was, that I didn’t hear them say it was a girl. We were pretty surprised to see that I had basically delivered a six-month-old baby. But not only was she our first born, but our first strong-willed child. I should have figured something was up when we couldn’t get her to come out of the womb. From that moment on, it was me pushing and her pushing back (no pun intended).
Kayla was the type of baby who did not like to be held a lot. As a toddler, she was very adamant about doing everything herself. At such a young age she was very independent. She definitely wasn’t the cuddly type, so there wasn’t much bonding going on. I didn’t know how to deal with that, that wasn’t in “the book”! On into her teen years, we really bumped heads. You see, not only was she our strong-willed daughter, but she had a strong-willed mother, (insert feelings of sympathy for my hubby here).
It made for some very ugly moments that eventually led to a very strained relationship. Mind you, we had our good days, but they weren’t as memorable as the bad ones. We didn’t have the typical mother-daughter relationship, so needless to say, she didn’t share much with me. While she was determined to go against my rules and my authority, I was determined to stand firm. Little did I know that she was broken inside. I knew she had been going through some rough patches but didn’t know to what extent. She had been through a lot, and she was at the end of her rope. When I finally got a glimpse of her pain, I knew things had to change.
If you have a strong-willed child, you know that the harder you push, the harder your child pushes back. It’s like adding fuel to a fire you’re trying to extinguish. I decided I had to change my ways first, in order to get her to respond. I needed to stop looking at her as someone who must obey me and instead I needed to be someone she could trust with her heart, who would in return show respect and obedience.
Along with a lot of praying, I did some research on strong-willed children. I found a book titled, “You Can’t Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded)”. Aside from practical tips and tools, it helped me to see things through my child’s eyes, and also to see I wasn’t the only parent going through this. I hadn’t realized how many parents had strong willed children. And like them, I had spent a lot of time doubting whether or not I could ever be a good parent.
God Specifically Chose You
My daughter is eighteen now, in college and is absolutely beautiful, inside and out. She has grown into a very smart, strong, 
independent young woman. We have a wonderful relationship now. Her strong will has become a great asset in her life. It has made her a strong leader, who works hard, who when life knocks her down, she gets back up stronger than before. I used to think that I was the wrong person with the wrong personality to be her mother. But by the grace of God, it turned out beautifully.
I can’t say that I’ve got this parenting thing down. I have failed miserably. We’ll never get it just right. We’ll make mistakes, think we’ve ruined our kids lives and wonder what on earth God was thinking when He made us their parents. But there’s a reason God made me the mother to my kids, and there’s a reason you are the mother or father to your children. God specifically picked you for the job and has fully equipped you to do the task.
When God calls you, He will prepare you. Exodus 4:10
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