Walking thru the Valley 12 – Coming Home

There is both joy and beauty in sorrow and suffering just as much as there is blessing in the miracle.

I can’t believe it; we’re finally here, the last chapter of this story. From the beginning of this journey, all I could think about and pray about was Joey coming home. Sometimes, I thought it was impossible, but I ask you, what’s impossible for God?

After all the excitement from the week before, the snowball of progress started building.

• Nov. 28 – Goodbye, ventilator! Seeing it removed from his room was a beautiful sight.
• Dec. 3 – Joey was able to have the trach removed from his airway, AND he passed his second swallow test (bring on the hot dogs and coke)! However, it was not such a pretty sight to see a gaping hole in his neck where the trach was. It was quite unnerving as air would escape through it when he coughed or talked. Thankfully, the bandage covered the hole so it could heal and close. (If you’re not squeamish, I added the video at the end of this post, after the pictures.)

Determined to Come Home

Joey’s oxygen requirement fluctuated between 8 and 10 liters, while his doctor aimed for a goal of five. Staff continued to monitor Joey’s heart rate and conducted an echocardiogram to determine the cause of the increase.

The doctor reminded us of his intention to send Joey to a rehabilitation center, but Joey had other plans. Joey was determined to be home for Christmas. So, he asked the doctor what he needed to do to skip rehab and go home. The doctor said that along with his heart rate and oxygen stabilizing, Joey would have to be on 5 liters or less of oxygen, be doing better in physical therapy, and be at a point of well-being that the doctor felt it was safe for Joey to be at home without medical care.

The physical and occupational therapists continued to work with Joey. Physical therapy was aggressive, always wearing Joey out. It seemed like a stretch to think he would be home for Christmas, but that didn’t stop us from praying for a Christmas miracle. After all, we saw one miracle; God was capable of another.

A Sigh of Relief

With Joey improving, I felt like I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. But wouldn’t you know it? I started to have panic attacks. (You can read how the very first one happened here.) I found it odd since I was actually more relaxed than I had been. I knew our journey wasn’t over, but I felt we were far enough away from the worst that could happen. We were on our way to healing, so why now?

I tried to manage as best I could, but they eventually affected my ability to drive since that’s when they hit most. Sometimes, they would hit while at the hospital when monitors sounded off. I would quickly leave the room, go outside to my car, and practice breathing exercises.

One day, I decided it would be best to stay home and rest, so my son Cameron visited Joey. During their visit, Cameron texted. “Dad’s oxygen was turned down to 2 liters!” Joey was making significant progress. His oxygen was improving, he was kicking booty in physical therapy, and his heart rate was improving.

I’ll Be Home For Christmas

I started to think that maybe that Christmas miracle wasn’t so far out of reach after all. It reminded me of something I heard earlier while Joey was still in the ICU, something I held onto for quite a while.

Before we all got sick with Covid, one of the stones in my wedding ring came out. Thankfully, I found it on the bathroom floor. On October 2 Joey took my ring to the jeweler for repairs. Unfortunately, the ring still wasn’t finished when Joey ended up in the hospital. I was devastated that I didn’t have my ring with me. Every day, I checked Joey’s phone, hoping to see a call from the jeweler saying that the ring was ready for pick up.

Finally, on November 2, I got the call, and after leaving the hospital, I ran to pick up my ring. As I walked inside, I noticed the Christmas decorations already up and Christmas music playing. It saddened me to think Christmas would soon arrive, and at that time, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen to my husband since he had just been intubated two days before.

I browsed past the jewelry while they looked for my ring. Thinking of Joey, I started praying silently. I held back tears as the words from the next carol caught my full attention. They made me stop in my tracks and listen. They sounded so pretty, “I’ll be home for Christmas…” I paused and wondered, would he really? “Lord, would he?” It seemed a miracle would have to happen. That moment nestled deep in my mind and heart, and I left it there, remembering it off and on. It would take forty days until I would receive my answer.

Coming Home

December 14, Day 61: We received our Christmas miracle! Joey came home on December 15, 2021.

Aside from having a panic attack and only having one oxygen bottle for almost the whole day, it was a wonderful day! We were all in shock and couldn’t believe it was happening, but we were ecstatic and grateful. It had been a looong journey, but now we were on the road to healing.

September 2024: Next month will mark three years since this journey began, and it’s been two years since I started blogging about it. While it’s impossible to include every little detail, my main goal was simply to inform everyone invested in our story about what happened and share God’s faithfulness, compassion, love, and miraculous power.

Where We Are Today

Joey received a diagnosis of long-Covid. He is still on oxygen, although he only has to wear it to sleep and when doing something physical like exercising. His lungs never fully healed; there was just too much damage. His doctor has told him that his lungs will no longer improve; they’re as good as they’re going to get. The lung tissue that is working is functioning at 83%, but his entire lung function is 66%.

It took him a while to regain his strength. It was quite the shift for me taking care of him. Instead of having my big, strong husband help me, now he wasn’t even able to open a water bottle. While he was able to walk, feeling so weak caused him to tire quickly causing his oxygen levels to drop, so he used a wheelchair and walker for a while. It took him a good year to start feeling stronger. He still feels like he never returned to where he used to be. Even now, he gets winded and has to stop and catch his breath.

I’m unsure if his vocal cords were affected by being intubated or because of the trach, but his vocal range changed. It took him a few days to pick up his guitar. He was afraid he couldn’t play since his hands were so weak. Even though he had a hard time, he played it, and we were thankful to hear that sound again.

Things were definitely different. We never returned to “normal.” While Joey learned to adapt, I soon battled the effects of it all.

Certain sights, sounds, and circumstances would set me right back to those traumatic events. There were triggers that I didn’t even know would be bothersome. I learned the mind and body store trauma and will continue to respond as if in danger even long after the event, even without me thinking about it.

A New Journey

PTSD, grief, and running on adrenaline and Jesus all caught up to me. (You can read more about that in this previous post here.) This brings me to where I am today, a new journey three years later. I’m still sharing this story; I’ll never stop sharing about it. But now, I am sharing the valuable lessons learned and what God has shown me and is still showing me from this story; the beauty I found in the mess of trauma, grief, and miracles.

I want people to know that as they face their darkest valleys, they are not alone; God sees and cares, and He will walk with them every step of the way. I want them to know that God is the God of hope and is still the God of miracles. And I want them to know there is both joy and beauty in sorrow and suffering just as much as there is blessing in the miracle.

You’ll find me sharing this message along with other valleys I’ve walked through on my blog and mostly on my social media pages. I hope to grow my audience so that I can share with more people and, God-willing, take all that I have learned and put it into a book. Currently, I am researching and learning all I can as I start the long journey of book writing. I would love it if you would join me on this journey! Please pray that this will bless others and that God will be glorified through it all.

Thank You

To all our family, friends, and those who walked this journey with us, those who held my hand, and all who prayed, supported us, gave financially, and helped in so many other ways, THANK YOU, and may God bless you abundantly! And to all who have taken the time to read or share this story, thank you for your support and for helping me to forever tell of what He’s done!

While this was such a difficult season, I am forever grateful for it. I am beyond blessed to have had the opportunity to walk to the edge of the Red Sea and watch as God parted the waters.

“What’s impossible for God? NOTHING! We prayed, He heard, and He answered! We have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and He was with us! When the waters raged, He did not let them overtake us! When we were worn and weary, He sustained us! Truly, we have seen the goodness of God!”