Let Me Tell You ’bout My Jesus!

Remember me telling you back in the beginning, that I wondered if not surrendering completely to God was actually hindering Joey’s healing? Well, it could just be a big coincidence but once I finally surrendered and laid Joey at Jesus’ feet, things started happening!

If you missed that post, you can find it here https://wonderfullymessy.com/2022/05/30/walking-thru-the-valley-5/

November 6. The doctor came in and told me they wanted to take Joey off of the paralytic. This was the medication that was keeping his entire body paralyzed so as not to fight the ventilator. She told me they would do it slowly and if there were any complications they would have to put him back on. By the grace of God, there were no complications and he was taken off completely.

They slowly started taking him off all the other medications he was on as well. He would still be kept sedated and comfortable and of course he would remain on the ventilator but he was heading in the right direction. As his doctor said, “Joey is making moves and is doing A+ work!” God was moving!

The next step for Joey would be a tracheostomy. They would create an opening in the front of his neck and insert a tube into his trachea (his windpipe) and it would be connected to the ventilator. He would have to be at a certain level of support from the ventilator and a lot of his other numbers would have to be at a certain point as well, but they believed if they could do it, he would have a greater chance of coming off of the ventilator.

There was a certain window of opportunity for this procedure. They found it worked best when done within the first 14 days of being intubated. After that, the chances dramatically dropped. This was Sunday, November 6, Joey was intubated on the 31st of October.

Every day I watched and kept track of all of Joey’s numbers. Every morning I walked into his room and would quickly glance at his numbers to see where we were at. I’d spend the day praying and praying that they would reach the right level in order to have the trach placed. I wasn’t sure what that would look like for us, but it seemed to be the next step in the right direction and I was tired of going backwards.

November 9. Again, Joey’s numbers were not where they needed to be. His vent settings had been lowered between 55 – 60% oxygen support but his oxygen readings were not as good that day. It didn’t seem to concern his respiratory techs much, or at least they did a good job of not showing it.

Journal Entry to Joey:

Nov 10. No trach again today, but I know God is still working. We never thought we’d be so excited about you producing urine, but you did and we are! They continue to slowly take you off of the sedation. Some days they have to turn it back up, but you’re slowly starting to wake up. Nurses say they’ve seen your eyes open slightly when they reposition you. I haven’t seen that just yet, but your eyes don’t seem to be closed as tightly.

I’m so proud of you, Joey. I tell you that everyday, hoping you can hear me. I hold your hand and stroke your arm best I can with all the IV’s attached, and I wonder if you can sense my presence. 

It’s Wednesday and I can’t help but think that if we weren’t in this situation, we’d be meeting tonight after work, grabbing a bite to eat, and then going in to worship and bible study. How I miss that. 

Our weeks were so busy before all this. You leading our connect group, going to church, serving on the worship team, and training and preparing to be able to serve in the marriage ministry. How we desired so much to be a part of that, and it was just beginning. I sometimes question why God would allow us to desire to do ministry together so intensely, only for Him to take it away. Then there are days I wonder if this is just some stepping stone that will only impact our ministry even more so. I can drive myself crazy sometimes trying to make sense of it all.

I remember talking to you and asking you if you thought we were really ready to be used to impact other marriages. You of course said yes, and I kept getting cold feet. But deep inside it was my heart’s desire to do ministry with you and I knew God was calling us to it. 

I don’t know what God’s plan is. But I know he’s changing me. I can feel it and I must admit, it hurts! I don’t know why he’s allowing this to happen but I’m confident that your suffering is not in vain. Yes, Covid sucks! And the devastation it is capable of is unbelievable. It’s unbearable! I don’t care about the survival rate that everyone keeps talking about. Most of them have no idea what this is like. If only one life is lost and it’s yours, that was too many! But I have to believe that won’t be our story.

I don’t know yet what our story will be. We’re walking through the fire, Joey. It’s hard and it’s scary, but we’re walking with the only One that can save us from being consumed.

I can see that it’s in the fire where change comes. Allowing the living God to do the refining and shaping as we go through. I’m allowing him to do just that. It’s not the ministry I had in mind, but here we are, in the thick of the storm, out on the raging sea, being tossed about. Is he calling us onto the water? 

You’ve always told people that I was a part of you coming to Christ. But even though I was a believer before we met, I can now tell people the same thing of you. It’s because of this I’ve come to Christ in a way I never have before. It’s not something I can clearly put into words but if I could paint a picture, it would be one of me on my knees, arms lifted in surrender, with hands open, desperately reaching, emptied, longing for and wanting nothing more than to stay in the presence of the Almighty.

God’s presence, his faithfulness, his power, his compassion, it all has been overwhelming and I never want to leave this place where he is so evident. So although you aren’t aware of it at this moment, you have played a huge part in bringing me closer to God and I am thankful.

…to be continued!